This Season is for Us too.

Certain sights, smells, songs, people, and days in my life will forever remind me of the Christmas season that I was antepartum.

The Pentatonix song “That’s Christmas to Me”, the spiced cold brew from Starbucks (they’ve never repeated that seasonal flavor since that year in 2016!), the bridge at Elm Park where we took family photos the same day I was later transported to the hospital. The scent of snow in the air. Hallmark Christmas movies. Fuzzy socks. Big t-shirt pajama dresses. Holiday wrapping paper chains. Paper snowflakes. Red ambulance lights & sirens flashing on dark nights. All the people that were part of our village during that time. Even if people have moved away or moved on, their presence during that time is written in my memories.

Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season now always kicks off many emotions for me. A mix of bittersweet emotions ranging from sadness and overwhelm, to gratitude and relief. To longing and loss. To joy.

It’s a rollercoaster mix each season…but I have always, always loved Christmas and all that it represents. When I was hospitalized for the holidays, trying to stay pregnant and not knowing what the OR and delivery day would bring…I was overcome with fear while also clinging to faith and my belief in a greater plan and miracles. But overall very, very humanly reacting to what was happening to me/us. At an otherwise usually festive time of year.

I did everything in my power then (and continue now) to embrace the magic and meaning of Christmas. But…It is still a season wrought with emotions for me. And I’ve learned through the past 5 years, that that’s okay. And that others feel that way too.

Whether you are a mama in waiting in a hospital bed. Praying to survive. A loved one of someone sick, or ill and weary yourself. Someone experiencing loss of any kind. One of the many, many people exhausted, worried and overwhelmed by the continued global pandemic. Or going through whatever it is for you…it’s okay to feel many, many emotions at a Christmas. I have learned that this season is for you (us) too.

It can be difficult to feel down or sad, during a season where everyone is championing cheer. But the reality is that people can and do feel down and sad. Worried and lonely. Hopeless and stressed. As well as happy, hopefully and excited. And every other gamut of emotions during Christmas. Because we’re human beings, going through human things. At a very human time of year.

That is okay. I’ve learned during the last 5 years that life will challenge you any day of the year. Even the jolly ones.

And in those moments…if you can find the strength- reach out and ask for help. Raise your hand and say that you need a lift. And if you can’t…then when others offer or ask you what they can do…let them. Let them show and shine the true light of the season, by pouring into you.

And if none of the above applies, or you find yourself without someone to help..and you need someone to pray, cheer or lift you this season. Please reach out to me. I mean it.

I may not be able to do much…but I can share positive thoughts, an honest perspective and a listening ear. Because I know and I’ve seen that this season can be dark. But it is also the most beautiful.

And this season is for us too…even those feeling it deeply…especially those who do.

“A thrill of hope…the weary world rejoices.”