Light in the Dark…Going Back & Giving Back

November 2017- 1 year after my antepartum holiday hospitalization and our son's delivery & NICU stay, I was driven by several compelling thoughts.

1.) I need to find a way to "rewrite" the holiday season for me and my family

2.) I need to honor the journey we've been on the past year

3.) I need to give back, in honor and gratitude of my life and our son's.

That led me to look at the holiday season, especially the weeks after Thanksgiving and into Christmas, with fresh new perspective. I knew there would be PTSD leading up to the one year anniversary and milestones of all the things that had happened to us the previous year. But I also knew...I just KNEW, I had to have a positive impact as part of my healing...and to thank all the people who had cared for us.

So this part of the journey. The "Project Mama's Hope" part of the journey...began with two baskets.

Specifically- they were care packages that I created at home the week before Christmas. I went shopping, searching for comfort and care items, toiletries, holiday decor, snacks...everything I remember wanting and needing when I was inpatient and unable to get those items myself. From creating a cozy (as cozy as possible) room in the sterile hospital setting, to keeping warm and comfortable, to having entertainment items within arms reach to keep me distracted and busy. I went out and bought all of that. Additionally, my sons and I took our giant box of old holiday cards and recycled them, by cutting them into strips and making Christmas chains. We packed two baskets full of the store bought items and holiday chains. I planned to give the two baskets to two random mamas to be on hospital bedrest at UMass.

A few days before my planned trip to the hospital, I remember going live on my personal social media, and explained that I was trying to have an impact. I shared how we had repurposed our holiday cards and made chains, and what we were planning to do with them. Shortly after, I received a message in my inbox from a former classmate, indicating that she was actually on bedrest in antepartum at the same hospital I had been at. And it was most likely she would be there through the holidays. I knew immediately a basket needed to get to her too.

I woke up on Christmas Eve, excited and nervous. This would be my first time back to the hospital. I could feel knots in my stomach, hoping to see some familiar staff faces, knowing that it would be an emotional experience no matter what...and hoping that I would be able to have an impact.

I drove to the hospital, unloaded my baskets and walked in. I took the elevator up to the maternity center, and when I stepped out, I walked up to the front desk and explained why I was there. The staff member at the desk looked surprised, but accepted the baskets and thanked me. Then she asked me who they should go to. I told her to choose who one recipient should be...specifically a Mama who seemed like she really needed hope this season. Then I explained about my classmate and asked to see her (she was expecting me). When I dropped it off we chatted (one of her nurses stopped by, and she was one who had been one of my nurses and remembered me, so we connected and took a picture!). It fueled my fire even more, to let other moms-to-be know that they were not alone.

Since then, I have gone back to the hospital each and every Christmas Eve. The first year started with two baskets. The next year was two baskets. The 3rd year, December 2019...I posted on my social media accounts with an Amazon wishlist...and my family & friends (more than!) answered the call. We were able to provide baskets to every single antepartum mom on the unit at Christmas that year. That year was so special as well, because my husband and I got to deliver the baskets together (his first year back since our experience), and I got to go in and speak with the moms (as long as they were comfortable with it). It was so emotional. And powerful. They asked me about my experience and story, and I shared- whatever they wanted to know, and most of all- I wanted them to know that I understood and that they could do this.

Last year- the Covid Christmas year...I posted the wishlist again, and SO MANY people responded. We covered every antepartum mama in care baskets once again.

This year will be 5 years since I was there. Since I was antepartum. Since I survived. Since our baby boy joined the world. Since our NICU stay.

My goal is again, to show the Mamas hope. To bring them each an incredible Christmas basket. And help them forget- just for one day, where they are and what they are up against. To generate light in the dark. And help them stay strong, and believe. 🕯

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3NSU8CWSI660W?ref_=wl_share